


I believe in what's supposed to be (it's supposed to be you and me)

by meridianline



Category: Sanditon (TV 2019), Sanditon - Jane Austen
Genre: Confession, F/M, at last, charlotte didn't come to sanditon for a husband, finding one was purely incidental
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-09
Updated: 2019-10-09
Packaged: 2020-11-28 15:01:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,783
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20968490
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/meridianline/pseuds/meridianline
Summary: The morning after the night before, Charlotte and Sidney come to some sort of mutual understanding...





	I believe in what's supposed to be (it's supposed to be you and me)

**Author's Note:**

> This is possibly a touch OOC and also I've likely broken some social rules in place during the time - sorry; artistic license!?

Leaving her room that morning, Charlotte felt an odd sense of apprehension. As if her life was teetering on the brink of something, and walking downstairs would be the inciting act to set it all in motion. But she ignored the urge inside to hide in her bedroom and continued defiantly down the steps.

Last night, Sidney Parker had told her that she, Charlotte Heywood - daughter of a farmer, ardent bookworm, recent swimming enthusiast and famed impressionist - made him his truest, best self. In the dark of the room, the candles had warped her perspective; his face had swum before her, she hadn’t been able to move or speak or breathe. All she could see was him.

Now she was to breakfast with him. She was to sit across the table and act as if he hadn’t turned her whole world upside, flipped so easily as if it was a page in a book he was reading.

“Miss Heywood, good morning!”

The jovial and not unwelcome voice of Mr Tom Parker beckoned her into the room as she stepped across the threshold. She registered the clutter of toast and plates on the table, Mary sat beside Tom, the children in the process of clambering off their chairs to play, and finally Sidney.

He was sat at the end of the table, tea cup in hand. He seemed frozen a moment, then stood suddenly, almost awkwardly, with a slight bow.

“Good morning, Miss Heywood. I trust you slept well?”

Her eyes flicked to his and he was looking at her, and the words he had spoken last night swam in his eyes, it was like he was saying them all over again.

“Yes.” No, no she had not slept well. Every time she’d closed her eyes, there he had been. “Yes I slept very well thank you.”

“I am glad to hear it. Will you sit?” He was smiling at her, properly smiling. It was all too much.

“Oh no, I- I wanted to take a walk before breakfast.”

His smile fell, and Tom and Mary looked up in concern.

“Why Miss Heywood,” Mary began, “you must eat - please sit and we will call for whatever you would like.”

“No, no it’s quite alright.” She glanced about desperately. “I’ll eat on my return, I promise. I just need some fresh air, that’s all."

“Then may I join you?” If she didn’t know him better, she would say that Mr Sidney Parker looked desperate. “If you don’t mind?”

Of course she did not mind. A moment spent with him was a moment more she could indulge her craving for his presence… but could she now dare to believe he felt the same? “I believe I am my best self, my truest self, when I am with you”... could she dare to guess at his feelings?

“No,” she said carefully. Perhaps it was time to be brave, as she believed herself to be. “No I do not mind”.

\---

They set out of the house together in silence, turning down the street they had walked down, fought on, so many times together. They continued on through Sanditon’s now-bustling roads, each aware that it wasn’t quite yet the time to speak.

What could they say, each so unsure of the other’s mind and yet paralysed by fearful hope?

It was only when the buildings and building works gave way to the rolling green grass, the sea stretching out in the distance, that Charlotte began to feel as she had air in her lungs to speak.

As they reached the cliff top, high above the sea, she paused and he paused too. They stood together, looking out over the sea.

“You know I did not come to Sanditon seeking a husband.” Charlotte burst out with, breaking the silence, and immediately regretting the clumsy, embarrassing opening sentence.

He turned slowly to her, amused. “Yes I’m aware of that. You’ve said so several times, very emphatically.”

“I mean it. I truly did not.”

“I believe you, Charlotte. You don’t have to explain yourself to me.”

“I thought of adventures and new places and meeting new people,” she continued, faintly registering the use of her Christian name but she could barely hear over the thumping of her heart as she realised what she was about to do. “And maybe that’s my typical naivety, but I did not think about meeting someone…”

She turned fully to him. She had never been so scared in her life.

“What I am trying to say is that - you told me last night that with me, you are your truest, best self. But I didn’t have the chance to reply…” She saw him swallow then glance away quickly, before returning to her. Was he as nervous as she was?

“You make me angry... so angry I’m not sure I’m thinking straight.”

He laughed at that, and she felt warmed to her toes.

“You’ve challenged me, on my presumptions, my judgements, on my way of viewing the world.” The words seemed to tumble out as she spoke, tripping over her tongue as she allowed herself to speak from her heart.

“But more than that, I’ve seen your kindness, your willingness to admit wrongs, the lengths you go to help your family and friends. You listen to me, even if you don’t agree, and you never make me feel that I have to apologise for having my own mind.” She drew a deep breath. “The truth is, I think I am my best self when I’m with you too.”

Her speech done, she fell silent, almost breathless, wondering if she had just made an utter fool of herself.

Sidney looked at her, as if stunned. He seemed younger almost, the tough world-weary exterior stripped away.

“Charlotte, I-” He took a breath. “You are far too generous, and you give me far too much credit. I think we both know that. But,” he stepped closer, and reached for her hands, almost unconsciously. In the distance, she could faintly hear the gulls calling across the beach. “I want to be the man you describe. I want to be worthy of you and prove it a thousand times over.”

“And what of Mrs Campion?” She could not resist asking, perhaps ruining the most precious moment between them, but she had to know, to not be made a fool of.

Sidney smiled softly; he seemed to understand. “I can wholeheartedly assure you that you should not spend any further time concerned with Mrs Campion. She is away to London. I do not intend to propose or whatever my dear brother has been suggesting.”

He held both her hands in his, his thumbs slow rubbing across her knuckles. She thought she could feel his hands shaking.

“Charlotte, I fear I have not been clear enough with you.” He continued, “In all honesty, I was scared - of admitting to my true feelings, of being rejected and of not being enough, but I can’t stay silent any longer.”

He slowly bowed his head and gently kissed the back of her hand, as it lay in his.

“I am yours.” His eyes again met hers, she couldn’t breathe. “Wholly and completely, however you’ll have me.”

Spellbound, she could do nothing but gaze at him and wonder how everything could change in a matter of minutes. She couldn’t remember what was polite or proper or improper in a moment like this.

Not so long ago, she had been utterly confounded and frustrated by him. Then she had realised the depth of her feelings and understood for the first time what it meant to be in love. Now, as if it were a dream, he stood before her, offering himself to her.

It was altogether too much joy for one person to hold within, and before she knew it, she was beaming from ear to ear.

“Mr Parker, I told you before,” she bit her lip trying to stay somewhat serious, “I did not come here to marry.”

He dropped her hands immediately, looking chastened. “Of course Miss Heywood, you were very clear on that point… I should have known…”

She reached for his hands again with a soft smile, “Sidney - I did not come to Sanditon looking for a husband, because I had no expectations about meeting the right person. But without even realising it, I did.”

“I suppose this is a surprise for both of us.” He was smiling at her, happier than she had ever seen in.

“I suppose it is.”

The moment was broken, as they suddenly became aware of voices rising behind them, carrying across the breeze. Charlotte turned to see Arthur and Diana appear on the crest of the hill, and felt Sidney drop her hands as they came into view.

“Good morning, well met you two!” Arthur called gaily as they approached, “What brings you both out so early?”

“Bird watching.”/ “Swimming.” they said at the same time, sending a panicked glance each other’s way.

“Oh how delightful,” Diana turned her face towards the sky, “I love watching the birds - why sometimes I wish I was a bird, were it not for my ailments.”

“Are you looking forward to the ball tonight Miss Heywood?” Arthur’s clear delight at the idea of the ball was infectious.

“Oh yes, very much so. I do love to dance”

“And you Sidney, you’re coming aren’t you?” He asked, turning to his brother who stood stiffly to the side.

“Yes I am."

“Very well, it will be an occasion to remember I’m sure. Now, we were just walking to Trafalgar House if you were returning that way too? We can discuss the ball further. I’m curious to know what colours you’ll be wearing…” Arthur’s chatter tailed off as he and Diana turned to continue on their walk, and Charlotte felt obliged to follow.

As she turned to leave, she felt a light touch on her wrist and the warmth of Sidney as he bent down to whisper in her ear.

“Promise me Charlotte that we can find a moment to be alone at the ball, to finish this conversation.”

With a shiver, she nodded sharply, then started up the path towards Arthur and Diana. 

This morning she had been in half agony and half hope. Now she tripped along the path as if it was air; Mr Sidney Parker had given himself to her, she would never be without him, and later they would be alone together. She glanced back at him over her shoulder, giving him a quick smile that he immediately returned.

She may have only come to Sanditon to meet new people and see new things, but she had found ever so much more.


End file.
